Though I have direct experience with caring for a veteran, my mother, who served as a Navy Lieutenant and nurse in WWII, did not suffer from post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) as so many thousands of combat veterans do. I do personally know friends who have struggled silently with the demons of flashbacks, terrible nightmares, night sweats, depression, relationship difficulties and other disruptions of life, even decades after their combat duty. According to a recent report in TIME magazine, 22 veterans take their own life each day, unable to cope with depression, PTSD, joblessness, inability to fit back into their own families. This is a simply horrifying, mind-numbing statistic. The unimaginable disruption and emotional devastation rippling out through families and communities all over the U.S. is a quiet river of death, and it dishonors these brave men and women who answered the call to serve our country. We must find a way to help them, given that the over-burdened and inept VA system is not meeting this dire need.

I have shared many ideas for caring for veterans here on this site: Caring for a Veteran, including resources and links to the Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregiving and their program Operation Family Caregiver, which has now grown to national scope. I had the privilege of attending a summit at the RCI in 2012 and was most impressed with the training and support they offer to family caregivers of returning veterans. I encourage anyone in this position to seek out their program, available via telephone/Skype to reach those who need it.  

I have also written specifically about PTSD and help available through programs such as Adam Burke's project, VeteransFarm.org, for which he was awarded the Presidential Medal of Honor in 2012.  This model combines training for handicapped vets in growing organic blueberries, developing business skills and offering assistance in starting and operating a blueberry farm from several non-government veterans organizations. This is a very worthy undertaking, and it's obviously a win-win situation in that veterans are then prepared for a new career which happens to provide its own gardening therapy, and a place to live, as well as land, equipment and support to create a food crop that is much in demand.

I recently came across a news article which sparks hope for a new audio therapy device called a bio-acoustic utilization device (BAUD), which uses something called binaural beats through headphones during a therapy session. Here is a link to a blog post on the Armed Forces Benefits Association website for further information about BAUD and PTSD therapy possibilities. And, this is the article, published on August 29, 2015 in the Sarasota Herald Tribune, which originally got my attention: Veterans with PTSD Praise Audio Therapy Results. The article mentions George Lindenfeld, a neuro-psychologist formerly treating veterans in Asheville, NC, now relocated to Sarasota, FL, and his work with PTSD using the BAUD in therapy. The results are pretty astounding and it seems this technology offers a viable approach to treating PTSD. More research is no doubt needed, but this is a promising new therapy.

In closing, I ask you to share the information in this post with those families, caregivers, and friends of veterans who are suffering from PTSD and having a tough time putting their lives back together after serving in the military. They deserve our help and support, and you never know when you might be quite literally casting a life line to someone in crisis. Even one veteran suicide a day is too many! Please take action and share this today.

I believe we all have the right to know what is in our food. Especially when there is evidence that GMO's are carcinogenic and can also be linked to neurological diseases such as Parkinson's,  Alzheimer's and autism. Please share this video widely if you also want to know what's in your food. Just label it!

Caregiving is an act of love. One of the most powerful tools we have as humans caring for other humans is the gift of our attention. To be completely in the present moment with your loved one through eye contact, touch, facial expression -- is a sacred and special experience, deepening joy through connection.

I encourage all caregivers, whether professional or family, to find ways to be fully present by sharing an event or activity with this very intentional, conscious focus. It can be as simple as watching a sunset, playing with a kitten, eating a treat together. The quality of the experience and the satisfaction inherent comes from engaging all the senses with attention. If the present moment shared is good, life is good! 

This is a beautiful tribute to those who have been lost to Alzheimer's -- some were a surprise to me. There are also some who are currently fighting the battle against this devastating disease. We need to keep the 5.4 million people in the U.S. and their approximately 15 million caregivers in our hearts. We need to remember those who forget and those who are caring for them - all the lives touched by Alzheimer's.
Please watch and share to raise awareness...

I decided to repeat a prior post, because it is more pertinent than ever for caregivers trying to manage care for a loved one in the hospital, nursing home or rehab facility. Please feel free to share your own hard-won experiences via the comments so that we can all benefit!


One of the most challenging caregiving experiences can happen, ironically, when your loved one is admitted to someone else's care:  ie.  the hospital, rehab or nursing home.  In my own 17-year caregiving journey, my mother was only admitted to a hospital three times, two of those during the last 7 months of her life.  Each time it was very traumatic (for both of us!), but what I found so stupefying was the total inconsistency of the quality of care.  The difference was dramatic, both from hospital to hospital and even from floor to floor of the same hospital!  It covered the whole spectrum between basically decent to almost criminally negligent.  From these experiences, which I will not share in gruesome detail, I found three nuggets of truth to be evident:
  
1)  Hospitals are not good places for the elderly, and are especially bad for those with any type of dementia. Anytime someone is in pain or physical distress, it clouds their thinking capabilities, and if drugs are given, they can intensify this effect.  Same goes for the changes in routine, unfamiliar surroundings and upset in sleep patterns that happen in hospitals.  In fact, according to a recent study, a hospital stay can actually be a causal factor, triggering dementia in the elderly, if delirium is present during the hospitalization. The article in Science Daily explains the long-term effects and also gives some ways to help avoid delirium and consequent cognitive decline: Delirium and Long-Term Cognitive Decline in Alzheimer's Patients Linked in New Study 
  http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/08/120820161009.htm 

So, for the sake of all concerned, take whatever steps are possible to minimize or altogether avoid hospital admissions.  For example, during one emergency, I waited with my mother for over 5 hours in the hospital ER waiting room, only to find there were still several people (and hours of waiting) ahead of us.  Because I knew Mom was in a weak and debilitated condition, getting worse by the minute, I called the local walk-in clinic.  They had no one waiting, took her in within two minutes of arrival, examined and treated her in less than an hour.  She improved dramatically by the following day, when I was able to get her in to see her regular doctor.  We thus avoided what would have likely been an unnecessary hospitalization.  That was a very valuable lesson.  Obviously, you have to use best judgement as to the severity of the problem.  It's always best to call 911 if you have a true life-threatening emergency, but consider the risks against the benefits for less threatening circumstances.  

Another time, we waited over 11 hours in the emergency room, much of it with me sitting on a cold hard floor next to her gurney because they didn't "allow" family to be in there.  I had to explain repeatedly that her mental status required my presence, since she couldn't answer questions or give a medical history.  They eventually brought me a chair when they realized I wasn't going away, no matter what they said.  (This was less an act of kindness than that they just got tired of tripping over me).  This marathon ER experience happened in 2003, and I truly hope that hospital staff has become more aware of and sensitive to the needs of elderly dementia patients to have their caregivers present in these very upsetting and frightening situations.

2) The elderly are at risk for falling in many cases, and that risk increases when they are in a hospital setting.  In fact, my mother's first fall, after living with us for nearly 8 years without a mishap, was when she was in the hospital.  She was disoriented, on IV and yet managed to get out of bed to try to get to the bathroom on her own.  She fell, but thankfully was only banged up a bit and didn't suffer any major trauma or broken bones.  It was a wake up call for me!  So, my advice would be to stay with your loved one as much as possible, and if you can afford it, hire extra care so that someone is in attendance when you cannot be there.  If you can't afford this (it's quite expensive!) you can arrange for friends, church members, and/or other family members to volunteer so that there is adequate coverage.  You will need to see to personal hygiene, such as brushing teeth (or cleaning dentures), shaving, putting in and removing hearing aids, and sometimes even bathing your loved one, depending on the staff (or lack thereof) in the particular facility.  But don't expect the care to just happen.  It won't.  Doing it yourself insures that your loved one's basic needs are met and they can be comfortable.  I also believe it helps them tremendously to remain "in touch" with you, quite literally.

3) And lastly, do whatever you must to "catch" the doctor while making rounds.  Be sneaky, lie in wait.  This may require being in the hospital room by 7 am or earlier, since many doctors do rounds before starting an office schedule.  Ask the nurses what time a doctor normally sees patients and make your ambush plans accordingly.  You want to communicate, question, understand treatment plans and diagnosis/prognosis.  A new trend in so-called "care" involves having a "hospitalist" -- a doctor that is specifically assigned from a practice to care for all hospitalized patients from that practice.  This makes absolutely no sense, since the attending physician may know nothing about the patient, having never seen them prior.  If there is dementia or even just normal disorientation resulting from the injury or illness requiring hospitalization, the patient can't give vital information to assist with treatment or diagnosis, nor can they, in the case of Alzheimer's, even answer the most basic questions.  This becomes downright dangerous to the patient, and I'm sure is frustrating for the doctor, too.  Hence my advice to lie in wait if you have to, in order to ask questions and interact with the doctor in person.  It is my firm belief, after witnessing some harrowing hospital horrors, that everyone needs an advocate to intercede on their behalf.  As an advocate, you need to be very clear and specific in asking about any drugs that are being given, or considered, and what the risks vs. benefits are, as it can be a devastating ordeal if inappropriate medications are ordered.  Case in point:  Anti-psychotic drugs, such as Haldol (halperidol) are all too often given to Alzheimer's patients with sometimes deadly results.  I have personal experience of this with two elderly relatives.  The consequences were tragic.  

There is an excellent blog post on this very subject at the Mayo Clinic Alzheimer's Caregiver Newsletter, which I will share here:  http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/antipsychotics-and-alzheimers/MY02213/ 
Forewarned is forearmed, though it is such a shame to have to think of a hospitalization in terms of doing battle.  Unfortunately, that is often the true nature of care in our present system.   To be fair, there are still a few rare, white knights disguised as doctors, riding in with the best ideals, and highest standards.  But, they are sadly more fictional than real these days.  If you are fortunate enough to find one of these very special health care professionals, give thanks, hold on and don't let go!  

I have written much on this site about the power of music to unlock the memories of those with dementia, about my own experiences using live music with Alzheimer's patients and how music can improve the quality of life for the elderly (and their caregivers!). Refer to the iPod Project and Music and Memory posts on this site. Now, the long-awaited release of the documentary film about this exciting subject is happening across the country. I hope you have the opportunity to see the film in theaters, but if not, it will be available in October on DVD.

If you are a caregiver for someone who might benefit from the inclusion of personalized music, please visit the website www.musicandmemory.org for information about setting up an iPod or other MP3 player with music for your care recipient. You could make an incredible difference in their life and your own with this simple action. Take a look at the video trailer below and consider how good it would feel to bring one you love "alive inside" again with music!

Dr. Bill Thomas, creator of the Eden Alternative and ChangingAging.org website, blogs about his part in the Alive Inside documentary. You'll find his article in the DailyBeast Op-Ed: Treat Dementia With Music, Not Drugs is excellent.

Here is the trailer for the Alive Inside documentary (winner of the Audience Award at 2014 Sundance Festival): or visit the website for times and dates of showings at www.aliveinside.us

I have written often of the benefits of meditation, particularly when combined with music as a guided meditation experience. Now there is increasing evidence from mainstream medical research of what has been understood for thousands of years by wise teachers of many traditions: meditation is great for people!

The truly excellent thing about meditation is that anyone can do it, pretty much anywhere. It is easy, free (or very inexpensive if you choose to buy CDs or download guided versions), is proven as effective as pharmaceutical aids in reducing depression and stress, and has no side effects other than an increased sense of well-being and peacefulness. Click here to see the research done at Johns Hopkins investigating meditation as anti-depressant. What's not to love about that? The Mayo Clinic also published a newsletter article titled "Meditation: A simple, fast way to reduce stress" which gives an great overview of the subject .

Various forms of meditation have been taught, mostly in eastern cultures, and the practice has been growing by leaps and bounds in the west over the past thirty years or so. There have been a number of pioneeers in bringing the practice of mindfulness-based stress reduction (MSBR) to the west, including Jon Kabat-Zinn who founded the Stress Reduction Clinic and Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. His clinic was featured on the public television series Healing and the Mind with Bill Moyers in 1993. Meditation has such incredible benefits that I believe everyone can find some help by practicing it. In my own experience as a caregiver, meditation and music, combined with fervent and frequent prayer, saved my sanity when it was hanging by a thread. I find it compelling that the list of benefits meditation offers so exactly corresponds to symptoms many (or most) caregivers experience. The only mystery to me is why more caregivers don't use this incredible tool for balance and strength. Which is why I am making it my mission to get this information out to those who need it through this website & blog, by writing, speaking, teaching, and otherwise promoting it. How often is there a perfect solution to so many of our everyday stresses just waiting for us to sit down and get quiet long enough to find its gifts?

If you'd like to explore the ideas and resources for meditation, please visit my Meditation and Music page on this site and also take a look at the ideas for Self-care and Caregiver Resource Store. I will also be publishing a book which further details resources and tools for caregivers: Sanity Savers for Caregivers at the End of Their Rope. You can add your name for an announcement of publication, which is targeted for March 2014. If you would like to read a chapter from the book about the uses of music and meditation, click here. I encourage you to explore the idea of various forms of meditation and find what appeals to you personally. In my 17 years of caregiving, music and meditation were the brightest jewels in the caregiver crown. Try it out. You have nothing to lose and so very much to gain! 

For those in the Naples area, there's a special opportunity tonight to view the acclaimed documentary I Remember Better When I Paint, with special guest & co-director Berna Huebner. Hosted by the Naples Art Association, the film, narrated by Olivia de Havilland, is the first international documentary about the positive impact of art and other creative therapies on people with Alzheimer's and how these approaches can change the way we look at the disease.
The event will be held tonight, February 17, 2014 at the Naples Women's Club, 570 Park Street in downtown Naples, beginning with a reception at 6 pm, the film screening at 6:30 pm and followed by a panel discussion with several experts in the field. This is free to the public. For more information, please visit the Naples Art Association website.

I want to share with you a couple funny stories about my Mom in the nursing home. They are proof that love never dies and is our true destiny, as Thomas Merton attests.

I arrived for a visit with Mom to find her sitting in the TV common area holding hands with the gentleman in the seat next to her. As I walked in and gave her a big hug and kiss, I asked how she was. She smiled a very sweet, slightly sly smile and glanced at the man beside her saying, "I'm doing fine. I've got a man!" I cracked up, since she was 91 at the time and because  it reminded me so much of the Gershwin lyrics from the song I Got Rhythm: I've got my man, who could ask for anything more? She then expressed concern about whether I had a man of my own (I assured her quickly that I did, lest she suggest something I didn't want to contemplate).

Mom and this very kind man continued to be good friends and companions until death parted them, and it always warmed my heart to see them holding hands and smiling at each other fondly.

The second story happened earlier, soon after Mom arrived at the home and before she met her gentleman friend. I was at work, in a frantically busy office, when my cell phone vibrated, indicating a call from the nursing home. In a bit of a panic, fearing some kind of emergency, I grabbed the phone and rushed out to the parking lot to get a good signal, leaving a lobby full of people waiting, none too pleased about my disappearing act.

The social worker from the nursing home quickly allayed my fears and then told me she had an "incident" to report. Well, that sounded pretty ominous. An incident? She further relayed that while waiting for the dining room to open, my mother had been sitting in a small alcove watching TV when another resident, a man, kissed her. I think I laughed out loud at this point feeling very relieved and repeated, incredulously, "Kissed her? Do you mean a peck on the cheek kind of kiss or were tongues involved?", I questioned. She assured me that it was fairly innocuous, according to her interview of the two people involved and witnesses. She further reported my Mom did not seem distressed at all by the kissing "incident" and indeed could not recall it. Well, I've had kisses that were less than memorable, but I suspected it was Mom's Alzheimer's causing this lack of recall. As I breathed a sigh of relief, I explained to the harried woman that I was not upset by this breach of manners, and actually, if this were the worst "incident" that ever happened that would be excellent. In fact, I continued, "My Mom may have even been the kiss-er instead of the kiss-ee, in this case, given her propensity for flirting." Sometimes you just have to look at the lighter side of life and love.

With all the Valentine's Day hoopla yesterday so fresh in mind, it feels good to know that love can bring us joy at any age and in any circumstance. So get out there and hold hands with someone you love. And make your own kissing incident. Love is our destiny, indeed!