Are you a family caregiver at the end of your proverbial rope? If the answer is yes, hang on and read on! You have options:
1. You can tie a knot in the end of the rope and hang on for dear life in hopes that some miraculous rescue will occur before your strength gives out and you fall into the abyss of overwhelm, frustration and caregiver burnout below. (I don’t recommend this option, since, in my experience miraculous rescuers are few and I usually go for a more proactive option, anyway. Plus, if you fall and hit the rocks below, it really hurts!)
2. You can tie a noose with the rope and figuratively hang yourself, in essence, giving up your own precious life by giving in to negativity, depression, and despair. By giving up, you shift all responsibility for caregiving to someone else and abdicate your role. (I certainly don’t recommend this option, since I believe whole-heartedly in Life with a capital “L” and that love has amazing powers to heal and keep us whole! But you would be surprised how many people choose this)
3. You can swing on the rope trying to clear the canyon of caregiver destruction beneath you and get on solid ground. (This is a marginally better choice than #1 or #2, but still doesn’t work for me)
4. You can use the rope to make a hammock of support beneath you – a place you can relax, rest and renew your strength, inner resources, and commitment to the caregiving journey. Eventually, your rope hammock can become a rope bridge allowing you to safely navigate across the caregiver chasm and keep your life and sanity in the process. (Now, I admit I am biased, but this is the one I would choose.)
This post is an excerpt from my soon-to-be-published ebook, which provides practical tips and gentle self-care and self-nurturing techniques to make life less of a struggle and more of a loving learning experience. If you are tired of struggling and dangling your way through the uncertainties of caregiving, please sign up to receive a release notice when Sanity Savers: For Caregivers at the End of Their Rope is published. Find support for a more balanced, healthy, life-enhancing approach to giving care – a hopeful, positive way that includes you along with your care-receiver.
If you could design the perfect retreat for stressed out caregivers -- a place which was nurturing, and inherently a place of healing -- providing both a quiet respite and tools for coping with burnout and stress -- what would it look like? What features would be most important to you? Would it be close to the ocean or water body of some kind? In the mountains? In a peaceful, rural setting? With acres of forest to walk and lose yourself in natural beauty?
I am not just asking random questions here, but rather shaping an idea, a concept, for just such a retreat. I envision a place where you can completely disconnect from all demands on you -- where there is silence, if that is what you need - without the endless chatter and background noise of TV and radio, but instead, there is soothing, peaceful, de-stressing music available. There would be plenty of natural settings, lots of open space, a chance to be with others or be solitary according to your needs and wishes. There would be time for stargazing, wool-gathering, sitting fireside or poolside according to season.
There would be tailored programs to teach about various proven stress reduction techniques such as yoga, Tai Chi, massage, meditation & relaxation. There would be information and practical tips as to how your diet can support your health (and by extension, that of your loved one for whom you are caring).
There would be gardens growing the plants for these healthy foods (envision blueberries, pomegranates, walnuts, tumeric, lavender, sunflowers, and other antioxidant fruits, seeds, herbs and spices.) You could participate in the gardening if you feel drawn to immerse yourself in that special timeless therapy of nurturing growing plants and getting your hands in the soil.
There would be a counselor on hand -- skilled in helping people reduce stress and find empowerment and clarity. Does this place sound like a perfect Paradise to you? Me, too!
I am currently designing this retreat for Caregivers seeking a chance to renew themselves, learn specific helpful stress relief techniques, exercises, and develop the skills needed to nourish themselves, body, mind & spirit -- to support optimum health and inner peace as they accomplish their caregiving in the most joyful way possible. I would love your input and ideas. It is my desire to make this accessible, not a five-star resort, but more a comforting, cozy, peaceful retreat, available to those who most need it. Please leave your feedback and share your own vision for such a place that it can inform and inspire. This place is for you, the caregiver, and with the right sense of purpose and filling the need, it will become reality. Soon. It's actually there already, just awaiting the foundations under the dream.
Karen is a compassionate, enthusiastic student of life, who cared for her mother for 17 years. She brings her insights, compassion, experience and desire to share knowledge and healing to this ongoing conversation with others on the caregiving path. If you are caring for a parent, spouse, friend or other loved one this site offers sanity-saving tips, open-hearted self-care ideas, and an open forum for discussion, connection and sharing resources for the journey.
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